Walked in that tavern about half past ten
Said bartender line me a drink up again
Stumbled to the jukebox dropped a dollar in wrong
Told a barstool stranger Play me somethin’ strong
Saw my old darlin’ or maybe her friend
I backed up to flirt and fell once again
Tried to say Baby you still look superb
But it rolled off my tongue all backwards and slurred
I swear to drunk I am not Heaven
Just past gone and half past eleven
My tongue’s in a bar fight my brain’s in a knot
I’m preachin’ good gospel but losin’ the plot
Three sheets south of northbound lost
Talkin’ real cheap but it’s costin’ a lot
I been half lit since quarter to seven
Honey I swear to drunk I am not Heaven
I lit my cigarette with a bottle of beer
Told the neon cowboy boy you look weird
Said I’m fixin’ to leave then sat right back down
Tried to whisper softly and hollered at the crowd
I’m not under the affluence of incohol
Ain’t as think as you drunk that’s all
One bourbon one scotch one beer one more
Then it was me and the good Lord discussin’ the floor
I swear to drunk I am not Heaven
Just past gone and half past eleven
My tongue’s in a bar fight my brain’s in a knot
I’m preachin’ good gospel but losin’ the plot
Three sheets south of northbound lost
Talkin’ real cheap but it’s costin’ a lot
I been half lit since quarter to seven
Honey I swear to drunk I am not Heaven
My buddy said son you done had enough
I said that’s a bold-faced hippopotamus
I’m finer than frog hair split four ways wide
Even if this room keeps tiltin’ side to side
My guardian angel done punched the clock
And my common sense slipped off the dock
I swung for the door but I zigged instead
And the bouncer just grinned when he shook his head
I swear to drunk I am not Heaven
Just past gone and half past eleven
My tongue’s in a bar fight my brain’s in a knot
I’m preachin’ good gospel but losin’ the plot
Three sheets south of northbound lost
Talkin’ real cheap but it’s costin’ a lot
I been half lit since quarter to seven
Honey I swear to drunk I am not Heaven
The bouncer said preacher your sermon is through
Grabbed me by the collar and out I flew
Landed in the gravel still raisin’ a question
Honey I swear to drunk that was divine ejection